Not Ready to Make Nice

It has been a rough couple of days and it is during these times that it seems like everything comes to the surface. This song has always been one of my favorites, mainly because it describes exactly how I have felt my entire life. I have always felt a little different in my family because I have a different biological father then the rest of my siblings. I don't feel angry because I am not happy with my situation, I feel angry because of the fact that I can't even comprehend what happened 23 years ago when I came into this world. Having fertility struggles these past 3 1/2 years of our marriage has made these feelings worse because I want a baby and it has yet to happen for us, but somehow people can just up and leave their children. I am not talking about parents who know from the very beginning they can't raise a child so they put the baby up for adoption, that is admirable, I am talking about those who have a wonderful gift from God and later down the road they then decide it's not for them. Forgiving does sound good, but it is the forgetting that is hard, and here we are 23 years later and I'm not healed. 
I have the MOST AMAZING father in the world who has raised me since I was very young, and I would NOT trade him for anything or anyone. Sometimes I just wish the past didn't exist. I have spent several years searching for something that isn't there and I can't get that time back. 
I am just so grateful for a father who loves me and mother who was strong enough to take care of me alone for a little while. She is someone I will always look up to because I am sure it wasn't easy. I am grateful for a daddy who CHOSE ME. He didn't have to be my dad but he is and for that I will always, ALWAYS be so grateful.

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it??
It turned my whole world around
And I kinda like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'
It's a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter sayin' that I better
Shut up and sing or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should
What it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting